the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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