Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
