Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
