just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
