I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
