get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
this is an emotional support booty call
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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