she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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