If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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