he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
