That's when you crack a 10am beer
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
whose parrot is this?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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