I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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