Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
