Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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