I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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