Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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