note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
