hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
