Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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