I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
