I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
