I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
