he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
