mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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