I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
