were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
