I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
