just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
