So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
