Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
