I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
