I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
