I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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