After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
