Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
