I'm so fucking centered right now
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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