I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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