you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
