Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
