If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just high enough for therapy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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