Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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