ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
