Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
