I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
