and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
