So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
