Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
