Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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