he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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