I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
