I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
