that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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