i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
